Thursday, February 28, 2013

What? "Shut up...bitch?"

Quick post just to clarify something.

Why is my blog called Shut Up, Bitch?

Simple.  I got told "Shut up, bitch!" just one too many times.  In fact, in response to a comment left on another blog, before I had even transfered to blogspot and left my (fandom-oriented) blog on livejournal behind, someone left a comment that was just a link.  This link went to a particular rap song on youtube which, at one point, was the #1 hit for "shut up bitch" (I won't link to it; if you really want, it's easy to find). 

And so I figured it was as good a blog name as any.

I know that some people have a real problem with reclaiming slurs, and a problem with "bitch" specifically.  That's fine.  I would never force someone to claim a label they weren't comfortable with, or call someone something that offends them.  But me? I like "bitch".  I want to me more of a bitch.  Hell, I'm conciously working hard (thanks to books like Nice Girls Finish Fat and The Nice Girl Syndrome, both of which are awesome) to stop being such a nice girl and start being a bitch.  (And, personally, I think a lot of women would be much healthier--not to mention happier and more effective--if they picked up one or both of those books.  As much as I appriciated the help I got from Codependent No More, it's nice to read a self-help book for codependents that isn't filled with fluffy "just trust your higher power" nonsense.)

So.  That's why the name.  If it's not your cup o' tea, great.  It works for me, though.

And with the more recent harassment I've recieved* from people who just want me to shut up...I don't think I'm going to be changing the name any time soon.

*Funny thing...almost all the harassment I've recieved has come from comments I've left on other blogs.  In fact, the only really awful comments I've had here, the ones I've had to delete, came as a result of a certain youtube video made to mock me...for a comment I left on another blog!  So I'm not sure anyone really cares what I say here!  Regardless.  I'm not shutting up, here or anywhere else. 


Trigger Warning: Body-Hatred

So Melissa Harris-Perry (who I love) issued a challenge on her show, during a larger segment about body image and eating disorders, for fans of her show (those of us in "nerdland") to take a pic of ourselves sans makeup and share it on twitter, all to show that we (want to) love and accept our bodies as they are.  I thought this was a pretty neat idea, so I participated as well.

I knew full well, however, that I was being ridiculous.  I'm not much of a makeup person in my everyday life.  Oh, I have every shade of lipstick and nail polish and I usually slather some on before leaving the house, but that's about the extent of my makeup routine, and it's a lot less about hiding anything or feeling ashamed about my natural body and more about, y'know, liking color. 

That doesn't mean I don't hide my real body.  That doesn't mean I love or accept my body. Not even close. 

I've decided to combine a couple goals in today's post.  One, I've wanted to explain for a while now why it's taken me so long to update my blog...and, ironically enough, those very reasons have been keeping me from updating and explaining my reasons.  Two, I've been feeling a little guilty about my #barefacedbeauty picture.  It felt like a lie.  So I've decided to post my real picture here. 

(*cue minor panic attack*)

Note: I'm putting this picture under the cut.  It's not really nudity--I'm less exposed than most bathing suit ads--but it might be NSFW depending on where you are.  And it's definitely not...attractive? Is that the right word?  It's a picture of a stomach, a stomach that has gone through 15 abdominal surgeries, countless procedures, multiple tubes and drains, and 200 lbs of weight loss.  And it looks like it.  Each event left a mark that only very expensive--and, therefore, very out of reach--plastic surgery could fix.  So view at your own risk, is what I'm saying, I guess.

Oh, and if you couldn't already tell? This post is really self-involved and self-indulgent.  So feel free to just skip; I wouldn't blame you a bit.

Also, my post on fuckability might be good background reading before going further.